Fat Chance

Do you ever catch your reflection and think "god, is that what I look like?"

Some days I just don't recognize myself. It's like looking into a shop window and catching stranger staring back at you.

I had a dream that I looked good. My hair was cut, my skin was clear--and I had the perfect lipstick color. my hair was dark, too. Black. It matched my shirt, and that weird dream way where textures collide.

I think I'm vain, but my chronic apathy gets in the way of me bothering to look really good.

I'd like whiter teeth, better breath, a haircut, the ability to fit back into my pants again. Mind you, I'm not anything resembling over-weight, but I don't fit into any of my pants or skirts suddenly and that's really what bothers me.

I. don't. want. to. buy. new. things.

Or at least I cant afford to do it in a leisurely way. or any way.

And my other chronic issue--fatigue--really gets in the way of moving things around to make space for my sewing machine. Or looking for a job that actually pays me, so I could bypass the sewing machine issue and buy a fucking pair of pants and some whitening strips, cause I'm starting to look like those people nobody hires outside of a fastfood job fair.

more later, as I'm technically supposed be doing my job as a faux-barsita who's boss pretends to pay her.