Alien Nation

I spend all day by myself in an empty cafe, feeling progressively more useless; then I go home, too tired to do anything but sleep. People invite me to do things, and I have to reply "sorry, I don't have the energy", and go back to my constant half-coma. I don't see anyone or speak to anyone, except in passing or online.

I was thinking about this moment from last week, where my friend and her mom came into the cafe. She was telling me what I should do with my art and I started talking about how I've been having somewhat demoralizing issues with inspiration over the last couple years.

And then my friend's mom cut right through my sentence with a piece of advice. I feel that this is one of the most alienating things you can do to someone who's been feeling down and out.

I think this might be why some people blog. You can't interrupt text with advice or dismissal. Well, you can--but it's just that much harder.

This is also why I don't talk in real life.

People assume that if you're talking about a problem, then you're asking the listener to fix it or give you advice.

But mostly, sometimes exclusively, I just want to feel heard...and not so alone.

On the other hand, though, I suppose a person's pain is their own and if we were meant to be there for each other we'd have evolved telepathy by now.

I don't mean to make such impositions.

I guess I'm still learning how to cope with the reality that I must just shut up and deal with it myself.